I feel that I owe myself.
For all the years of trying to escape tricky situations, I feel that I deserve some enjoyment. But with the world being as it is, and me not enjoying the blustery weather a d landscape of where I live in the UK, that true enjoyment may have to wait. Sure, I can bask in the serenity of the little things, but truly I am only human and the human craves some adventure and variety (but mostly hot sandy beaches).
So I’ve set myself a challenge. It is a contradiction to the enjoyment that I’m wanting to treat myself with. I’m asking myself to hold back on enjoying and stay in one place and do not much, so I can save all the neccessary funds for travelling. I’m doing quite well, other than my biggest nemesis- the Friday Takeaway…except it hasn’t only been the Friday. I’m even planning to reach for the phone, just typing the words. I’ve got myself into such a deep habit with it. I’ve literally never had to put a rein on myself in my adult years, so I guess the take-away is my inner teen’s way of having her autonomy from being told to stay indoors. It is the very last thing she is holding onto, to gain control in this situation.
It’s funny how it’s easier to parent a fourteen month old, than parent your own self. Doing both simultaneously creates a lot of deep breaths outwards.
I’m trying to teach her how to love cooking and making something for herself. It is like she never fully integrated with Greta of my yesteryear, who learned all of this already. Or maybe Greta of yesteryear always gave into her, in some other way.
But this time I’m going to train her. We are going to sit still and learn the art of patience. I hope you can all be patient with me whilst I work on her.