When you really really want to change something you do.
For me, the biggest thing right now is a big change. It’s about changing how people treat me. Instead of changing myself to please everyone as I always have done, I want to change me to please me, as I have never done.
I said yesterday that my biggest thing was about procrastination and I feel that it is all heavily related to this feeling of being taken for granted. My biggest train of thought lately was that if I could get my procrastination habits under control I would have more money to go out and take part in more activities and therefore I would be respected more and I would meet better people who would treat me better.
Now I have had over a day to look at what I declared about being stuck more objectively and I think perhaps my procrastination issues was my subconscious way of telling myself that this is not about pushing myself to achieve more. There was a huge road block and firm barrier there to stop me pushing to be all things others wanted from me.
It’s as though I am not allowed to progress in my career until it would 100 percent be progress for myself, and not to gain anyone’s approval.
I heard the words, “going through this secret door” yesterday. I believe that the door was a new door to notice instead of jiggling furiously at the knob of the door entitled ‘Work more, make more money, do more cool things’.
So maybe I don’t have procrastination issues at all. Maybe I have needing approval issues.
This post may have been a bit rambled because a million thoughts at once came to me as I was getting it all down but I will keep you all updated on my progress and if there is any truth to my ideas.